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A Few Things
  RiKD, Aug 16 2018

Noah Levine, a "guru" in the avenues of meditation (Against the Stream), and recovery and Buddhism (for profit Refuge Recovery treatment center and not-for-profit Refuge Recovery) is alleged to have engaged in sexual misconduct with 7 to 10 women as well as sleeping with a married woman, sleeping with students, and misusing company funds for personal use in an "extravagant" and "out of touch" manner. Article here

Makes me feel a little bit better about my caffeine addiction, eating ice cream at lunch, and then being bored so jerking off and taking a nap today and now writing a blog... The answers are definitely in the Dharma and not Bumble. It is the Buddha's teachings that we should be following and not Noah Levine although he was a trusted spiritual teacher to many and I feel for them. I mostly feel for the women abused/harassed. Most of my friends are in Refuge Recovery so it will be interesting to see what happens. I don't see why it couldn't be improved. Buddha should be the icon of Refuge Recovery not Noah Levine.

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  RiKD, Aug 01 2018

First, I would like to document the difference meditation has made in my life. It is a training of the mind. Quite possibly the most important training one can undertake.

Reflections on Death:

All who are born will die. It is miraculous I woke up this morning in good health! The fact that I may die at any moment means I should be living life without laziness or procrastination. There is only the Dharma.

Reflections on Impermanence:

Nothing is permanent or stable. I repeat nothing is permanent or stable. As much as we like to delude ourselves and cling and grasp nothing is permanent or stable. There is only the Dharma.

I took a walk on the beach last night as the sun was setting. The water was very choppy and chaotic. It reminded me of my thoughts when I first sit for meditation. An airplane flew over. From that perspective the ocean is vast like the starry sky. Even the most choppy of waves have an inception and a dissolving. It was appropriate that when I was nearly finished for my walk at the inlet the waves are much calmer and almost non-existent. They appear and dissolve rather quickly or don't show up on the radar whatsoever.

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viele Gedanken
  RiKD, Jul 18 2018

Selfie time. *click click click*

I've got too many thoughts on my mind I have to get rid of them.

First, an lp'er sent me this video:

+ Show Spoiler +

It has gotten under my skin. I am still not sure what it means yet. I have thought about it all day. I was born, I grew up, I have to work, maybe I get some true leisure time in there and then I die. I can die at any moment. But, what is work? What is a paycheck? If nothing is actually real. It feels like I need to eat food and it feels like I need to have shelter. That's not really a meaning as much as it is a need. It almost seems like there is not even a lot of wisdom in it. It just is. I still don't know how I feel about this unrealness. This unrealness that science and philosophy reasons. But, apparently there is no reason, no meaning, and nothing is real. Then how can I be typing at my keyboard and other people can understand or not. This meaning of words again is an illusion. But, what if I want to live in this illusion? What is the benefit or disbenefit? It doesn't seem to matter. Nothing seems to matter. I am supposedly already whole. I can understand that. There are no puzzle pieces to uncover, there is nothing to find. I can get that. It just goes against everything I have been taught my entire life. What do you do if you are living in a dream and find out that nothing is real? How do you live that life?


I guess one thing I do is re-learn German. I don't even know what the end is I am just doing it for the sake of doing it. I guess my dream is to go to Berlin, read Byung-Chul Han, Nietzsche, Heidegger, Hegel, Kant, Kafka in there native language, and attend the University of the Arts (in Berlin). Those seem like big aspirations and I don't even know if it's possible. With enough help from Eros it is possible. I really don't particularly like frantic, hectic, work and I need some sort of out. I am already becoming a self-exploiting achievement-subject and I need to be careful.


I think I am learning how to get into hectic rush mode, how to transition into break mode, and how to transition fully into sovereign leisure mode. It's almost not even possible on back to back days of work as that night or that next morning is hard to escape work and move into a sovereign leisure state. I need a solid day off or two to get back to my natural state of adante. A state of slow moving and passionate living. This hectic, always productive, always optimizing work is not natural. I would be lying if I said that it pleases me. There is a certain art and skill and a flow state to making pizzas and some of the interaction with the Other are pleasant but of course I wouldn't subject myself to it if I didn't have to eat food and want to sleep within a temperature modified dwelling. Wage slavery. I am renting my labor out in return for Geld. There is always that wonder if there is a better place for me. I really don't know. Ich bin möde. Ich habe keine Ahnung. Ich komme aus Müdigkeitgeselschaft.

Like, really how to we manage work? My dad was saying he loved that his work was something new every day and that he could work long hours because he enjoyed it. That feels like an illusion to me. The illusion of freedom that Han talks about but maybe it isn't. My current job has all the danger signs for burnout for me. How much production is enough? How much optimization is enough? I am already beating myself up over it and there will be a day that the sameness hits. This is all part of the self-exploitation. The nervousness and the anxiety. I wish I could turn it off but I can't. It feels that I have to seek something and I don't know how I turn that off either.

So, that is where I am at. I am trying to figure out what non-duality means. What it means in regards to my life and living this life. In relation to everything else I thought I found out about this life and continue to find out about this life.

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