sup

I'm not really in a mouse hole. I'm in quite a nice house in quite a nice neighborhood. I am probably a bit bitter. I am a bit bitter. It's ok. I'm working on it.

You know, coding is all fun and games until you get faced with some difficult problem sets. The first go around I basically copied code out of a book. I learned a few things. I tried that again. Copying code gives the illusion that you actually know something. It's similar with taking a course and just watching the lectures. It's all fun and games until the difficult problem sets come into the picture. Let's see if I persevere. It seems like I switch "passions" every month giving up whenever some adversity kicks in. It's quite a losing feeling. Work is not great so I need my time away from work to be great and that is a lot of pressure. On one hand it's like do I really want to be spending my time and attention on problem sets when I have to work and do all of this shit? But, if I am honest it's the only thing that really meant anything today. Well, shit, I lied. There was the lift, there was the novel, there was the walk, there was the phone conversation, et al. It's all human. The struggle. The condition. Human all too human. Human after all.

I sit again, drinking white tea and waiting for laundry. Waiting for Godot. How many of these am I going to write? Especially with the current landscape of LP.

Back to work tomorrow. I'm caught in this loop. Just getting by. How long can I last? What does a brighter future even look like?

I wrote on here before that I should budget a burn rate and then work towards that. That seems like a lot of work and maybe pointless. The path of least resistance is the path I am on and I don't know how to change. I silently thrash for comfort. Inertia reigns supreme. Overcoming inertia in entropy. Is it possible? It must be.

I gave an old AA friend a call the other day. We are going to an AA meeting on Saturday. I'm hoping there can be some spark there. Or, just a normal Saturday with a friend on a day off.

I haven't told anyone this yet but I watched the England v Argentina game the other day and found myself rooting for Argentina even though my family might disown me if they found out. When the England manager brought on the center backs and the Argentine manager brought on the strikers something stirred inside of me and I was totally gripped by the game. What an unbelievable game! I felt like I was a bit hungover from it today and I couldn't celebrate with anyone.

Maybe this is exactly what I needed. Even just sitting here in a dark room listening to Radiohead "Nude" ("Don't get any big ideas, they're not gonna happen") sippin' on white tea. Maybe that's what it's about. No I'm not going to be Nikolai Durov. I fucking suck at coding. As I said, I didn't get a perfect on the Math SAT or AP Calculus exam. I wasn't reading at 3 years old. I wasn't doing Astrophysics at age 6. I can still probably carve out a life for myself but damn, man, I've been saying that for years and then the years pass. "I can still probably carve out a life for myself." I should look back in my blogs and find out where I have said something like that. And, maybe I am carving a little bit of a life out for myself. My vacation was great. Tennessee was amazing. I'm typing this out on a brand new MacBook Air which I absolutely love. Going on walks and reading are 2 pillars of my life but I can't just leave it at that. I need more than just reading and walking. Food can't be a pillar. I just eat too much of it and get fat.

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My vacation is coming to an end.

My uncle is a boss. Probably makes $200,000/yr managing industry plant equipment and he wears second hand clothing. Two Toyotas in the two car garage. Beautiful house in the Appalachian Mountains. 3 minutes away from endless hiking trails.

I was listening to Bluegrass music through the Appalachian Mountains. I was almost high for like an hour.

Now, I'm back home. It feels like I'm already back on the grind. Preparing to lift some weights and preparing for work again.

I didn't really have any deep conversations with my siblings. They were busy working or there was just not really time for it. My brother was constantly working or getting ready for a trip to Alaska. The only conversation we had was about the S&P 500. I was saying you can get better gains with a little bit of work and he was just saying you can get 10-20% over the last 5 years then he went back to work. I didn't get to bring up I was talking about post-inflation and post-taxes gains. Not that I even know that much about the subject because I don't know what inflation has been over the past 5 years.

I went out to dinner with my sister but she spent most of the time talking to my mom and dad. She is also incredibly kid-centric at this point. My brother too. The kids are the center of the universe as they should be I guess. It's the same with my other sister. She has a 5 yr old and a 2 yr old that are a major handful. The vacation was generally relaxing though and decompressing. Not much action. No spa visits. Maybe I should have done a float tank or something. Lots of walks and reading. Jamming with my nephew was a highlight.

One thing that I found a little weird is that both my sister's supposedly got divorced but my one sister is thinking of getting back together if he can "change" whatever the fuck that means. My other sister is still living with her husband until they officially adopt the foster child which is also super weird. I guess divorce is rarely ever clean.

I don't have any revelations to share unfortunately. It's just life. Oh, one thing about nature and food. Food is important. It's more important not to eat shit or overeat. I think it's difficult to be fat and happy especially if it affects one's health. But food is sacred. It is needed to survive. Saying a prayer before eating some pad thai followed by some fruit and sticky rice felt sacred. It is a worthwhile ritual. My uncle and aunt said they hit the mountain trails for at least an hour or two every night. It's magical. The giant lake and mountains are so still and calm.

Backrooms was a fun movie. I love the aesthetic. I just went alone. It would be a good date movie. It reminded me of when I was back in college going on dates and the women would basically jump into my arms. I was still a virgin so didn't capitalize on such an easy situation or I would get too drunk. Not even too drunk that my penis wouldn't work but so drunk that I'd be passed out vomiting on myself. Neither is very attractive.

I'm reading Surface Detail by Iain M. Banks currently. I'm about half way through. I think all these tech overlords just assume AI will lead to that scenario. No one wants to be left in the dust. I like Ed Zitron's analogy that we have Spotify that is like $12/month for pretty much any music you could ever want and OpenAI will have to charge like $100/month for something that does some things pretty well like coding and academic maths but still hallucinates and at this point isn't that much better than a search engine.

I have some other curiosities with Veppers and Elon Musk but I will have to finish the book before I really comment too much on that. I have seen Elon Musk have some pretty warped interpretations of the books that he "loves."

Anyways, I have to get to the gym.

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There is no doubt in my mind that it is revolution or death. What can be done?

* Philosophy for desire
* Dyson Swarm for energy
* Deep ecology for Earth (and the galaxy)

The philosophy may be the hardest part so I will save that for last.

Dyson Swarm for energy

A Dyson Swarm is a theoretical megastructure consisting of billions of independent satellites and solar collectors orbiting a star to capture its energy output. It would be the pinnacle of a Kardashev II civilization.

Kardashev I is extracting energy from the planet. It is a major noob play.
Kardashev II is extracting energy from the sun.
Kardashev III is extracting energy from the galaxy.

There is no Dyson Swarm without advanced technology in many areas. Primarily, we would have to learn how to mine asteroids. Asteroids are high in iron and nickel which are the primary components of steel and stainless steel. I will get more into deep ecology later but the idea is that nature is good in itself and should not just be thought of as a means to an end for humans. In my view, there is a big difference between mining "dead" asteroids and ravaging the rain forests. Of course, science might come to pass that mining asteroids on a scale of constructing a Dyson Swarm somehow fucks with the galactic ecology. Until then I am all about let's go for it.

There are also the setbacks of who owns the Dyson Swarm. If Elon Musk and Spacex have a monopoly on the endeavour I don't feel as comfortable. Same if the USA government or China government are Dyson Swarm oligarchies.

If you can find more holes or improvements I'm certainly open to hearing them.

Deep Ecology for Earth (and the galaxy)

Here is where it gets tricky. Mass expansion in space and deep ecology on Earth I don't know how the two co-exist. Hypercapitalism may get us the Dyson Swarm but it may ravage the planet and it could also have a negative effect on humanity. Who gets to live on a pristine Earth? It's quite a balancing act. I think the motive is what matters but that is tricky too. Expand for survival or The Good Life or even just scientific curiousity but let's not make it Imperialism 2.0. It's one of my critisisms for Kardashev III. I thought I was vehemently against Kardashev III because of The Dark Forest Theory. The Dark Forest Theory basically states that the universe is a dark forest full of hunters and you never want to show yourself. A massive interstellar civilization across galaxies is kind of like a giant blinking sign "We are here." However, in a free society how can I as one person deny curiousity or avoiding extinction. I could see where having a 3 star civilization is hedging against catastrophe but personally I don't see myself going on any of these expeditions even if it meant saving my life. I'd rather meditate on a beach in Hawaii. Basically, I am in favor of moving all mining (and industry) to space that makes sense. Then, the question arises are their limits? Do we mine Europa or Io for example?

Philosophy (and art) for desire

We can learn a lot from the philosophers and the artist in regards to how to live a life without scarcity. Who gets to live in Hawaii? Will Hawaii even be above the ocean? The global South is still probably fucked. Even with revolution we can't overturn the harm done to the planet. What about hierarchy and oppression? What are people going to do all day? We have like 5 billion more years of Kardashev II with this sun?

So, it's a major balancing act and a lot can go wrong but I propose we move to l337 Kardashev II (Dyson Swarm) as fast as possible and then HODL for a while until we can figure out the next best steps. Hopefully, that is possible without totally ruining the planet, AI taking a bad turn, authoritarian regimes taking over, wars, whatever else there is. I think l337 Kardashev II is a better shot than eco-socialism sitting on Kardashev I. The key will be restraint at l337 Kardashev II. All the conquerers will be out in full force trying to expand to new frontiers (markets) and I think that would be incredibly irresponsible.

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